Hoo boy! It's been a while since I crawled quite so far into my own head. *Digs out the cobwebs*
I'm not sure when it happened. I'm not sure why it happened. At some point in the last couple of weeks I decided I needed to get out. Get up and moving. The day the kids started school, my calendar started filling up, I started having to stop by the house to let the dog out and run out again.
So, I didn't REALIZE it was going to get quite so nuts so fast. Last night I got home late and realized it had been that way for a couple of days.
I'm also considering taking a friend up on the challenge of showing up at the gym at 0500 every morning.
Now, here's where things get a little odd. Today I don't have anything till this afternoon. So I was taking the opportunity to clean some stuff up and give the walls a good once over before I paint them. I was listening to music and I think I might actually have been "flitting" around the house. I was singin' and dancin' and having a grande old time.
It's been not completely unnoticable the last few days that I do find myself getting up and ready to go in the morning but still having thoughts of "I could just not do this" or "I'm really not feeling great. I should stay home today". But I've pushed them off and walked out the door anyway.
I should mention that when I DO actually exit the building, I feel great. It feels good to be outside, it feels great to be interacting with people. I don't feel in the slightest like "I wanna go home". Once I'm actually out there, I'm totally glad to be. I live in Europe. I'm surrounded by things to photograph. There is a lot to do and see and experience.
So. Why? WHY am I so happy in my house??
How many years did I wander the world, moving as often as possible? My parents probably could write a small book with the addresses they've had for me. Sure, it got less over the years. When you have three small children, moving is - - - a challenge. But part of that is why I joined the Army! To see more of the world and give my KIDS the opportunity to do it early and perhaps avoid the nomadic existence I lived for so many years.
And now. While in Europe. I - don't - want - to -go - anywhere. What in the hell happened to me??? Uhm, where'd Holly go??
And I'm not complaining! I love it. I just kind of wonder what great cosmic joke is in play right now, ya know?
However, I think I found the answer whilst "flitting" around my house. I finally came *home*. Not Europe. Just MY home. It's clean and beautiful and full of love. They say the first year of marriage is the hardest. It had it's moments. But I'm home. I cook. I have occasional Family Game Night. Dinners at the dining room table listening to stories of what the kids did today.
I love my home. Books & Movies on the shelves. In their cases. Recipes in my recipe box. I occasionally have my shower curtain dry cleaned because of the hard water. Wine in the wine cooler. A plant that I've kept alive for many months blossoming. My dog faithfully at my feet wherever I go in the house. Amazing kids that LOVE me even though they are teens & pre-teens & HiI'mMax.
Is everything perfect? Hell no. Nothing ever is. But it's home. It's my home. And it makes me so happy to be in it and think that I finally made it.
I saw on someone's door the other day - "Home Is Where The Army Moves Us". And I think I got a little teary eyed. I couldn't explain why at the time. But I'm proud. I'm proud to have been a soldier, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend.
So, yeah, it's work to get up and leave it behind. But it is Heaven on Earth to come home to at the end of the day. With my teenager watching TV with me or my Madison talking about finding a sentence for the Bonus Words on his spelling assignment or my Max writing a play on the computer. My darling husband's unexpected phone call and always his return from far away.
Of COURSE I'd want to come home to that. What insane person wouldn't want to hide in that wonderful place?
I'm not sure when it happened. I'm not sure why it happened. At some point in the last couple of weeks I decided I needed to get out. Get up and moving. The day the kids started school, my calendar started filling up, I started having to stop by the house to let the dog out and run out again.
*note: I actually had to GET a calendar. A large one. In extreme visibility of me on a regular basis.So, the current list looks something like this:
- Boys doing Scouts
- Me Volunteering for Scouts
- Joining the PWOC for once-weekly classes.
- Madison doing 4-H
- Morgan and I auditioning for One-Act Plays
- Painting my house
- Involved in working for the FRG
- Possibly attending the German classes if I have time
So, I didn't REALIZE it was going to get quite so nuts so fast. Last night I got home late and realized it had been that way for a couple of days.
I'm also considering taking a friend up on the challenge of showing up at the gym at 0500 every morning.
Now, here's where things get a little odd. Today I don't have anything till this afternoon. So I was taking the opportunity to clean some stuff up and give the walls a good once over before I paint them. I was listening to music and I think I might actually have been "flitting" around the house. I was singin' and dancin' and having a grande old time.
It's been not completely unnoticable the last few days that I do find myself getting up and ready to go in the morning but still having thoughts of "I could just not do this" or "I'm really not feeling great. I should stay home today". But I've pushed them off and walked out the door anyway.
I should mention that when I DO actually exit the building, I feel great. It feels good to be outside, it feels great to be interacting with people. I don't feel in the slightest like "I wanna go home". Once I'm actually out there, I'm totally glad to be. I live in Europe. I'm surrounded by things to photograph. There is a lot to do and see and experience.
So. Why? WHY am I so happy in my house??
How many years did I wander the world, moving as often as possible? My parents probably could write a small book with the addresses they've had for me. Sure, it got less over the years. When you have three small children, moving is - - - a challenge. But part of that is why I joined the Army! To see more of the world and give my KIDS the opportunity to do it early and perhaps avoid the nomadic existence I lived for so many years.
And now. While in Europe. I - don't - want - to -go - anywhere. What in the hell happened to me??? Uhm, where'd Holly go??
And I'm not complaining! I love it. I just kind of wonder what great cosmic joke is in play right now, ya know?
However, I think I found the answer whilst "flitting" around my house. I finally came *home*. Not Europe. Just MY home. It's clean and beautiful and full of love. They say the first year of marriage is the hardest. It had it's moments. But I'm home. I cook. I have occasional Family Game Night. Dinners at the dining room table listening to stories of what the kids did today.
I love my home. Books & Movies on the shelves. In their cases. Recipes in my recipe box. I occasionally have my shower curtain dry cleaned because of the hard water. Wine in the wine cooler. A plant that I've kept alive for many months blossoming. My dog faithfully at my feet wherever I go in the house. Amazing kids that LOVE me even though they are teens & pre-teens & HiI'mMax.
Is everything perfect? Hell no. Nothing ever is. But it's home. It's my home. And it makes me so happy to be in it and think that I finally made it.
I saw on someone's door the other day - "Home Is Where The Army Moves Us". And I think I got a little teary eyed. I couldn't explain why at the time. But I'm proud. I'm proud to have been a soldier, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend.
So, yeah, it's work to get up and leave it behind. But it is Heaven on Earth to come home to at the end of the day. With my teenager watching TV with me or my Madison talking about finding a sentence for the Bonus Words on his spelling assignment or my Max writing a play on the computer. My darling husband's unexpected phone call and always his return from far away.
Of COURSE I'd want to come home to that. What insane person wouldn't want to hide in that wonderful place?
- "Dear Prudence,
Won't you come out and play? Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day! The sun is up, the sky is blue. It's beautiful and so are you."
The Beatles
