Schizamore: November 2009 Archives

I was watching an episode of Bones recently.  I was already amazed to see Cyndi Lauper in it as she is one of my very favorite artists.  Then the song started.  The minute I heard the opening line, I knew I was going to be hooked. 

I think I found my Deployment Song this time.  Of course, we'll always have "Where'd You Go" by Fort Minor, but this one is especially poignant because this time, I've got no chance of being in the same place. 


"Fearless"                                 

Sometimes I'm afraid when you go
Sometimes I'm afraid when you come home
Underneath it all ...
I think I'm afraid when there's nothing wrong.

But if I was fearless ...
Could I be your reckless friend
And if I was helpless ...
Could you be the one comes rushing in.

There's something that I never told
When I find myself slipping off of my pedestal
I'm a fierce believer afraid to fall.

But if I was fearless ...
Could I be your reckless friend
And if I was helpless ...
Could you be the one comes rushing in.

Sometimes I'm afraid of the dark
I can't find the light in my heart
I can see my hand pushing away
Hard as I can

But if I was fearless ...
Could I be your wreckless friend
And if I was helpless ...
Could be the one comes rushing in.

Sometimes I'm afraid when you go ...

I'm extremely emotional today.  I'm ready.  I'm not ready.  I'm fine.  I feel like crap.  Need more time.  Wish that I could just get the "waiting" over with already.  Speak.  Don't speak.  Look at me like that.  Don't look at me like that.  I was there before, I should be there now, I should be here now.  

I'm weak, I'm strong.  I'm homesick and I don't want to leave home.  I am the cheerleader, the nurse, the midnight watch.  I am the proud, the loud and the brave.  I am the silent, the nervous & afraid.  I am the teacher, the student, I take it all in.  I love, I sigh, I pray, I sing. 

We're holding watch, we're sounding off.  See you soon, not soon enough. 

I am all of these things.  I am a DAMN Proud Army Wife, Mother, Daughter & Friend.  Thank your soldiers today!!!! 

Had our portraits done professionally a few weeks ago.  I love taking pictures, but it's hard for me to get myself in the shot with the rest of my lovely family.

The local portrait studio on post sounded like a great plan! 

She was wonderful with the dog & the kids.  She also kind of let us say what type of poses we were looking for.  With photographers as subjects, it can sometimes be hard.  The subject has an idea of what they want it to look like, but the photographer often has a completely different vision. 

Breanna was AMAZING at listening to what we wanted to do and her patience with the small critters & Loki was outstanding.

If you are in the Bamberg area, go see her! 

Dearest Kris,

     You will be missed, loved & waited for each & every day.  Come home safely to our home.  We'll leave the light on for ya!

                                                         Love,
                                                            Holly

This morning, I am pondering a question I've been asking for the last couple of years. 

"Do I want more kids?"

The answer, although not really surprising, is nahhh. 

I've spent the last 24 hours with two AMAZING kids.  They remind me of mine at those ages & they really make me smile.  They are cute and adorable and make me want to snuggle & kiss them till they just can't take one more second. 

It's not like one of those proclamations after hours of something bad where you go "OH HELL NO" and run screaming.  It's not even close. 

It is completely & simply that I LOVE this.  This happy cloud of "oooh you are toooooo cute for words!!!!" would burst if I actually had my own around 24 hours a day.  I so cherish these moments and I remember them fondly with my kids.  However, I also remember being at the end of my rope and ready to hide under a bed. 

I think, to be truly happy, I will live vicariously through friends and enjoy raising my very fuzzy baby. 

Now I think I understand why Grandparents love being Grandparents.  It's a good life. 

Gotta run!  We are watching Transformers & snuggling on the couch this morning. 

Last night, as I crunched over the leaf littered sidewalk with my footsteps over brittle leaves echoing in the cold, I realized it was awfully symbolic of things to come. 

This year, I did not get a picture of all three of my kids in costume together. 

This year, I did not have to watch three different directions while Trick or Treating. 

This year, I had to catch as catch can just to see them all. 

Where did the time go?  When did I transition from 3 little kids to 3 kids that are fighting their way to college??

Morgan was at a party and I saw her in passing a couple of times.  It was kind of like playing hide & seek all night.  "Honey, I saw blue hair...I'm gonna run get a few pictures of Morgan!"

Max is the only one I took Trick or Treating.  It was very strange not to be struggling to keep them all together.  It seems like only yesterday that I had Max in a stroller & was concerned about Madison tripping over his costume. 

Once upon a time, they would brave any weather for candy.  Last night Max says "Mom, I'm pretty much done.  It's too cold out here."  Really???  Really, Max?  Who ARE YOU??

When we got home, he proclaimed that I could pick out four pieces instead of three this year from his stash.  What a pal!