Recently in Soldiers Category

I was watching an episode of Bones recently.  I was already amazed to see Cyndi Lauper in it as she is one of my very favorite artists.  Then the song started.  The minute I heard the opening line, I knew I was going to be hooked. 

I think I found my Deployment Song this time.  Of course, we'll always have "Where'd You Go" by Fort Minor, but this one is especially poignant because this time, I've got no chance of being in the same place. 


"Fearless"                                 

Sometimes I'm afraid when you go
Sometimes I'm afraid when you come home
Underneath it all ...
I think I'm afraid when there's nothing wrong.

But if I was fearless ...
Could I be your reckless friend
And if I was helpless ...
Could you be the one comes rushing in.

There's something that I never told
When I find myself slipping off of my pedestal
I'm a fierce believer afraid to fall.

But if I was fearless ...
Could I be your reckless friend
And if I was helpless ...
Could you be the one comes rushing in.

Sometimes I'm afraid of the dark
I can't find the light in my heart
I can see my hand pushing away
Hard as I can

But if I was fearless ...
Could I be your wreckless friend
And if I was helpless ...
Could be the one comes rushing in.

Sometimes I'm afraid when you go ...

I'm extremely emotional today.  I'm ready.  I'm not ready.  I'm fine.  I feel like crap.  Need more time.  Wish that I could just get the "waiting" over with already.  Speak.  Don't speak.  Look at me like that.  Don't look at me like that.  I was there before, I should be there now, I should be here now.  

I'm weak, I'm strong.  I'm homesick and I don't want to leave home.  I am the cheerleader, the nurse, the midnight watch.  I am the proud, the loud and the brave.  I am the silent, the nervous & afraid.  I am the teacher, the student, I take it all in.  I love, I sigh, I pray, I sing. 

We're holding watch, we're sounding off.  See you soon, not soon enough. 

I am all of these things.  I am a DAMN Proud Army Wife, Mother, Daughter & Friend.  Thank your soldiers today!!!! 

Had our portraits done professionally a few weeks ago.  I love taking pictures, but it's hard for me to get myself in the shot with the rest of my lovely family.

The local portrait studio on post sounded like a great plan! 

She was wonderful with the dog & the kids.  She also kind of let us say what type of poses we were looking for.  With photographers as subjects, it can sometimes be hard.  The subject has an idea of what they want it to look like, but the photographer often has a completely different vision. 

Breanna was AMAZING at listening to what we wanted to do and her patience with the small critters & Loki was outstanding.

If you are in the Bamberg area, go see her! 

Dearest Kris,

     You will be missed, loved & waited for each & every day.  Come home safely to our home.  We'll leave the light on for ya!

                                                         Love,
                                                            Holly

Hoo boy!  It's been a while since I crawled quite so far into my own head.  *Digs out the cobwebs*

I'm not sure when it happened.  I'm not sure why it happened.  At some point in the last couple of weeks I decided I needed to get out.  Get up and moving.  The day the kids started school, my calendar started filling up, I started having to stop by the house to let the dog out and run out again. 

*note: I actually had to GET a calendar.  A large one.  In extreme visibility of me on a regular basis.

So, the current list looks something like this:

• Boys doing Scouts
• Me Volunteering for Scouts
• Joining the PWOC for once-weekly classes. 
  
• Madison doing 4-H
• Morgan and I auditioning for One-Act Plays
• Painting my house
• Involved in working for the FRG
• Possibly attending the German classes if I have time

There's more, but you get the idea.

So, I didn't REALIZE it was going to get quite so nuts so fast.  Last night I got home late and realized it had been that way for a couple of days. 

I'm also considering taking a friend up on the challenge of showing up at the gym at 0500 every morning. 

Now, here's where things get a little odd.  Today I don't have anything till this afternoon.  So I was taking the opportunity to clean some stuff up and give the walls a good once over before I paint them.  I was listening to music and I think I might actually have been "flitting" around the house.  I was singin' and dancin' and having a grande old time. 

It's been not completely unnoticable the last few days that I do find myself getting up and ready to go in the morning but still having thoughts of "I could just not do this" or "I'm really not feeling great.  I should stay home today".  But I've pushed them off and walked out the door anyway. 

I should mention that when I DO actually exit the building, I feel great.  It feels good to be outside, it feels great to be interacting with people.  I don't feel in the slightest like "I wanna go home".  Once I'm actually out there, I'm totally glad to be.  I live in Europe.  I'm surrounded by things to photograph.  There is a lot to do and see and experience. 

So.  Why?  WHY am I so happy in my house?? 

How many years did I wander the world, moving as often as possible?  My parents probably could write a small book with the addresses they've had for me.  Sure, it got less over the years.  When you have three small children, moving is - - - a challenge.  But part of that is why I joined the Army!  To see more of the world and give my KIDS the opportunity to do it early and perhaps avoid the nomadic existence I lived for so many years. 

And now.  While in Europe.  I - don't - want - to -go - anywhere.  What in the hell happened to me???  Uhm, where'd Holly go?? 

And I'm not complaining!  I love it.  I just kind of wonder what great cosmic joke is in play right now, ya know? 

However, I think I found the answer whilst "flitting" around my house.  I finally came *home*.  Not Europe.  Just MY home.  It's clean and beautiful and full of love.  They say the first year of marriage is the hardest.  It had it's moments.  But I'm home.  I cook.  I have occasional Family Game Night.  Dinners at the dining room table listening to stories of what the kids did today. 

I love my home.  Books & Movies on the shelves.  In their cases.  Recipes in my recipe box.  I occasionally have my shower curtain dry cleaned because of the hard water.  Wine in the wine cooler.  A plant that I've kept alive for many months blossoming.  My dog faithfully at my feet wherever I go in the house.  Amazing kids that LOVE me even though they are teens & pre-teens & HiI'mMax. 

Is everything perfect?  Hell no.  Nothing ever is.  But it's home.  It's my home.  And it makes me so happy to be in it and think that I finally made it. 

I saw on someone's door the other day - "Home Is Where The Army Moves Us".  And I think I got a little teary eyed.  I couldn't explain why at the time.  But I'm proud.  I'm proud to have been a soldier, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend. 

So, yeah, it's work to get up and leave it behind.  But it is Heaven on Earth to come home to at the end of the day.  With my teenager watching TV with me or my Madison talking about finding a sentence for the Bonus Words on his spelling assignment or my Max writing a play on the computer.  My darling husband's unexpected phone call and always his return from far away.   

Of COURSE I'd want to come home to that.  What insane person wouldn't want to hide in that wonderful place? 

- "Dear Prudence,

            Won't you come out and play?  Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day! The sun is up, the sky is blue.  It's beautiful and so are you."

                                                                                      The Beatles

Dearest Kris,

     Today we celebrated another year.  One year of marriage, three years of love.  Hoo boy has it ever been a ride?? 

     Unfortunately, with you prepping to go to the field for a month, we didn't have a lot of time to go do anything, but Morgan made us a nice dinner and you brought me roses home. 

      Honey, as much adjustment as it's been for all of us, I love you with all my heart and soul.  You drive me up a wall, but you also make me feel safe and happy. 

      The military life isn't for everyone, but I think it suits us fine.  I understand when you have to be away and I love you all the more when you come home.  Thank you for all you do for us every day. 

     I love you and thank you for another year of Crazy Chaotic OCD Love. 


                                                                                     Forever Yours,
                                                                                             Holly

On July 25th, 2009 - The world lost a Hero.  A Soldier.  A Marine.  A Son.  A Brother.  A Friend. 

Killed in Action in Helmand Province, Afghanistan, PFC Wayne Vincent gave his life in service to his country.  You, me, our fuzzy friends. 

I only had the pleasure of meeting Wayne in person 1 time.  He was a bright young man with a smile that lit up a room and is strikingly like his sister, Julia's.  But his light shone brightly through the words of his family and the shared pictures and updates on his accomplishments. 

Wayne, you will be forever missed and loved.  We thank you for now watching over us all.